It’s still Kate’s birthmonth… October 20, 2007

… so it’s also still open season on embarrassing her.

I found this while I was looking for something else. Here she is in 1986, with none other than King Kong Bundy, just weeks before his steel cage match with Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania.

Check it out bitches… October 20, 2007

Follow the link…

I bought me one just 10 minutes ago.

the crisper (via Bill Arrowwood) October 19, 2007

Following is a story imparted by my friend Billy Arrowwood.

I believe this kind of story deserves to be mentioned among the Specialists.

in lieu of a friend who recently had an embarrassing run in with the long arm of the law and a failed sobriety test, i felt prompted to tell the most humiliating drunken story I know… and no it does not involve your truly passing out at a wrap party and almost throwing up on M Night Shymalan…this comes from the hallowed halls of Dirty Franks and a man who is known by lore as Mr. Shitty Pants..

A few years back, a middle aged guy, well, probably late 30′s comes into Franks and begins to chat up a couple of girls, he is amusing and not unattractive and comes up with the conversation starter about what their most embarrassing drunken moment was….after the girls told their tales of hooking up accidentally and picking fights, our hero demurs and isn’t sure if he wants to tell his sordid own tale…after some prompting and a shot of courage he begins….

It seems that our hero was married in the past and on one drunken night came home from the bar alone and amazingly pickled….Apparently, having to use the bathroom and vomit at the same time he managed to use the toilet…some…but because of the bi-lateral movement he missed more than he hit…urine and vomit everywhere, he figured he had better tidy up before the wife came downstairs….so he proceeds to get buckets, (note the plural) of water and dump them into the bathroom…standing in a few inches of water and realizing he is quite soaked he strips naked….

the cool evening air on his now naked body and the bathroom “cleaned” what better way to celebrate than with a smoke…but sans pants he cannot find a lighter…so necessity being the mother of invention, he decides to use the stove to light his cigarette..unfortunately our hero is quite hirsute and catches his chest hair on fire…staggering back on the floor he pats out the flames and enjoys his smoke..

if the story only ended there it would be both one of the funniest and embarrassing stories on record, but you don’t get the granddaddy of drunkiness or the moniker Mr. Shitty-pants for just taking off your clothes and setting yourself on fire…no, you need something with a little pizzazz…to wit…

after his cigarette our hero gets hungry and decides to go the fridge for a snack…while searching for just the right late night munchy, the cool breeze from the frigidare causes our boy’s mind to wander and suddenly he is overcome with the need to., how do i put this delicately….well…poop…. so perhaps remembering the drama the last time his went to the bathroom makes the brilliant and legendary decision to back himself up to the fridge and poop in the crisper…

six hours later his soon to be ex wife found him sprawled on the kitchen floor, smelling like burned hair, naked, refrigerator open with a dookie where the lettuce should be…

so remember, no matter what your indiscretion, no matter what kind of fool you might have made of yourself at karaoke, even if you failed a sobriety test and had to spend a night in the hooskow (and who hasn’t)…..at least…at least… you never took a shit in the crisper….

did you?

No love for Captain? October 15, 2007

Moments earlier, at the Last Drop…

Captain: Nobody loves me.

Sean: We all have love in our hearts for you.

Captain: But not in your pants.