longer than… October 6, 2007

Following is a chronological reading of all the comments on Myspace leading up to and marking the creation of Specialism. It’s a pretty long post, but there’s a kernel of truth inside every piece of bullshit.

Kate posted something right before me, and, so it doesn’t get buried by the sheer length of this post, I’m providing a link to it here:
garland’s very special abdominal workout

Damon to Garland:

Dec 5, 2006 12:40 PM
Can you help? Why does my moleskine say: “Othello. Trouble. Mastermind. Sorry!”?

Dec 5, 2006 2:46 PM
Let’s see…..”Jesus wore Tele Teva’s”…..and some drunken script re Val’s birthday…..I think the game thing went down at Tri-Tone…

Jan 12, 2007 10:14 AM
I can’t believe it. The pumpkin patch is not covered on my insurance plan anymore!

Mar 30, 2007 10:01 AM
To the Garfather: Tanti Auguri!!!

Garland to Damon:

Apr 6, 2007 6:41 AM
For other uses, see
Piranha
(disambiguation).

Piranha

Scientific classification
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Actinopterygii
Order: Characiformes
Family: Characidae
Subfamily: Serrasalminae
Genera
Catoprion
Pristobrycon
Pygocentrus
Pygopristis
Serrasalmus
The piranhas or pirañas are a group of carnivorous freshwater fish living in South American rivers. In Venezuelan rivers they are called caribes. They belong to five genera of the subfamily of Serrasalminae (which also includes closely related herbivorous fish including pacus and silver dollars). They are normally about 15 to 25 cm long (6 to 10 inches), although reportedly individuals have been found up to 40 cm in length. They are known for their sharp teeth and an aggressive appetite for meat and flesh. Locals use their teeth in tools and weapons. They are normally found only in the Amazonian, Guianas and Paraguayan river systems. However, piranha (most likely former aquarium-dwellers) are also occasionally found in the Potomac River, but they typically do not survive the cold winters of that region.[1]

A
dactyl
(Gr. δάκτυλος dáktulos, “finger”) is an element of meter in poetry. In quantitative verse, such as Greek or Latin, a dactyl is a long syllable followed by two short syllables, as determined by syllable weight. The word “strawberry” is a dactyl, as is the word “poetry,” as pointed out in the New York Times Crossword Puzzle (Will Shortz, ed.) for May 31, 2006.
A useful mnemonic for remembering this long-short-short pattern is to consider the relative lengths of the three bones of a human finger: beginning at the knuckle, it is one long bone followed by two shorter ones. In accentual verse, such as English, it is a stressed syllable followed by two unstressed syllables — the opposite, that is, of the anapest (two unstressed followed by a st

Kate to Garland:

May 30, 2007 10:08 AM
check my blog. let me know if i’ve “flirgotten” any

Garland to Damon:

Jun 28, 2007 9:21 PM
5ives

Damon to Garland:

Jun 29, 2007 7:44 AM
This week’s The Moira Know:

Usurpents are everywhere. Beware of snakes ready to take over.

Garland to Kate:

Jul 1, 2007 1:13 PM
i should stop interacting with the world.

…or at least i should stop at two a.m.

Kate to Garland:

Jul 1, 2007 1:32 PM
uh oh. what happened?

Garland to Damon:

Jul 8, 2007 5:12 PM
five things i’ve lost and were happy for it

1) track of time
2) that game of strip poker…
3) the city of Atlantis
4) my cookies
5) my virginity

Damon to Garland:

Jul 13, 2007 10:16 AM
Five places I’ve lost/left my phone;

1) In the middle of Ashton Ave, Los Angeles
2)My front seat with the windows open
3)In a bag of bottled water in the fridge
4) In the hands of a stranger who swore the number he called was local (it was)
5)Jack In The Box

Garland to Damon:

Jul 23, 2007 11:45 AM
five things you should never say to a stranger

1) when’s the baby due?
2) hey, can you hold this while i pee?
3) can you tell me where the nearest whorehouse is?
4) hey, will you carry this through the security checkpoint for me..?
5) does this smell like ether?

Aug 10, 2007 10:03 AM
5ive reasons yesterday was a good day

1) The Standing Coin
2) The Smoking Tree
3) The Churkey Fajitas
4) Playing TV
5) Meeting Kelliann’s

Garland to Damon:

Aug 31, 2007 9:07 AM

5 reasons to smoke without using your mouth?

Damon to Garland:

Aug 31, 2007 4:10 PM

5ive reasons to smoke without using your mouth:

1) No special toothpaste to get the yellow out
2) No Surgeon General Warning on other ways to smoke yet
3) “I AM blowing it out my ass! Look!!”
4) Untapped marketing potential for 18-24 demographic
5) New punchlines like “What? I can’t hear you – I’ve got a cigarette in my ear.”

Kate to Garland:

Sep 8, 2007 10:25 AM
hello, specialist

Damon to Garland:

Sep 11, 2007 3:23 PM
5ive things (I think)I said while hanging at Frank’s last sunday night:
1) Whattaya mean “Wake up”?
2) Dude. Yeah. (this was a two way conversation)
3) Yeah. So, yeah. (this was a one way conversation)
4) Yeah, so. YEAH. (this was my response to confirming wanting a phone number…still need it, though)
5) Who wunz sham pain?

Sep 15, 2007 12:17 AM
Today’s The Moira Know:
The parents of art born out of wedlock refer to eachother as
“My baby MOMA”/”My baby Dada”

Garland to Kate:

Sep 17, 2007 11:09 AM
last night was PANT-tastic.

-pantaloony.

click here

Kate to Garland:

Sep 17, 2007 11:11 AM
you know you’re a specialist, when…pants.

Sep 17, 2007 11:15 AM
that was a very pantcentric link you left me.

Damon to Garland:

Sep 17, 2007 11:40 AM
5ive places every specialist should visit:
1) Tokyo, Japant
2) Pantagonia, Argentina
3) Pantplona, Spain
4) Philapantia, Pantsylvania
5) The Pantama Canal

Garland to Damon:

Sep 18, 2007 7:39 AM
what did a couple of specialists do the morning after “PANTS”?

SLACKed off.

by the way, me and the girl are gonna spend much of the day at the last drop if you wanna join us.

-garlandopants

Damon to Garland:

Sep 18, 2007 8:27 AM
(Transcript from a conversation from yesterday)
“…so, where did you go to school?”
“Wheream University.”
“Really? Never heard of it? Where is it?”
The alumna shrugged her shoulders.

Garland to Damon:

Sep 22, 2007 8:39 AM
click this.

it has nothing to do with pants, but it’s pretty effin’ funnny.

p.s. there’s audio, so adjust appropriately.

Garland to Kate:

Sep 18, 2007 10:54 AM
hey… WhereAmU?

-Where There…
…well, here…

Garland to Kate:

Sep 18, 2007 12:34 PM
Welcome, and thank you for experimenting with the page Pants on Wikipedia. Your test worked, and it has been reverted or removed. Please take a look at the welcome page to learn more about contributing to our encyclopedia. If you would like to experiment further, please use the sandbox. Thank you. Gscshoyru 19:31, 18 September 2007 (UTC)
User

Kate to Garland:

Sep 18, 2007 4:31 PM
from wikipedia:

“Pants” can be used as a slang word for something that is below par.[citation needed] Its usage in this context originates from University students in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in 1993.
“Pants” can also be used to describe a particularly delicious meal, especially one consumed after midnight.

Damon to Kate:

Sep 19, 2007 11:58 AM
When is St Pantrick’s Day, again?

Damon to Garland:

Sep 19, 2007 12:08 PM

Have you heard the new Pantster Service Announcement (PSA) yet? It begins:

“It’s wednesday afternoon…do you know where your pants are?”

Sep 20, 2007 4:26 PM
At the next meeting of the Specialists, I would like to offer a trip to the country next month for pumpkin picking. Then we can have a party carving Jack O’Panterns.

PS Leah only beat me by like 15 tickets, or something.

Sep 22, 2007 1:07 PM
I heart the onion

PS delete that dumb fake boob video thing already. Don’t touch it…it’s evil.

Garland to Kate:

Sep 22, 2007 11:48 AM

Kate to Garland:

Sep 23, 2007 9:39 PM
where’s the specialist blog?

Garland to Kate:

Sep 24, 2007 9:29 AM
specialim.wordpress

Kate to Garland:

Sep 29, 2007 2:01 AM
still smarting about the fact that you didn’t tell me about the special at your new job while i could have taken advantage of it. why should I pay $3 for a PBR when I could pay the same amount for a YARDS?? a pox on your house, so-called specialist.

Garland to Kate:

Sep 30, 2007 10:53 AM
yes, still glittery.